Being present vs feeling feelings?

My job really does deserve it’s own reality show… I could use a supplemental income. Too bad I deal with federal privacy laws as a part of my job and would go to prison for a breach of that sort.

My boss apparently thinks all of her employees, including me, are lazy, racist, discriminatory, and harassers. Isn’t that nice? It’s great working for an appreciative boss.

This is what I’m struggling with the most right now. It’s the line between accepting my feelings and allowing myself to get overrun by them. Similarly, I’m struggling with finding where my T’s line is surrounding this. As in, I don’t know what she “accepts” when it comes to my feelings. It so often seems like she works so hard to keep me present that she’s also encouraging me to stay away from all feelings. So lately, when I feel like I have so many strong feelings that want to come out, I am afraid to share them with her because I’m scared that it’s just not ok with her.

I should clarify this with her, but the catch is that I’m scared that my feelings about my feelings are wrong, too! In our last session I just kept thinking that I’m so supremely messed up… And when is she going to realize that and get fed up with me and quit being so patient? When is the other shoe going to drop?

I will try to write this out so that I can perhaps get the guts to talk about it with her next week. In the meantime, I’m going to try to forget about my demeaning boss and just focus on how much I appreciate all of my coworkers.

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One thought on “Being present vs feeling feelings?

  1. Interesting. My therapist is the opposite – always going for the feelings, including the overwhelming kind.

    I would hate to work for your boss! best to you

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