Committing to the long road

I feel humbled this evening with my realization – even if it’s temporary – that I am glad I am alive. It has been years since I’ve felt that sort of fulfillment and purpose in my life, and I’m noticing that I feel it now.

So why are tears streaming down my face as I write this?

Perhaps because I’ve just committed myself to taking the long road; the one with potholes and blind curves and opposing traffic. I’ve given up on the easy way out.

So many holes in my life left to be filled, but something about this day, maybe a song, a conversation with my mother, working with my horses, my job, my coworkers, my session with my therapist..Something has changed, even if for just a minute or two.

I’ve been sitting here for several minutes feeling so filled with countless feelings. Gratitude, happiness, excitement mixed with grief, fear, and hopelessness. In what world can such opposing forces coexist? In me, I suppose. And what a confusing union it is.

For the very few that may follow this blog, I apologize for my absence. I’m working on getting my life together. I have not figured out yet where this blog fits in with that, if it does at all. If I decide to continue blogging, I will come back and give a synopsis of where things are for me at the moment. This is merely an off the cuff, spur of the moment snapshot.


4 thoughts on “Committing to the long road

  1. (((((Kashley)))) Good to hear from you! As far as continued blogging, no apologies, you need to do what works best for you (can you tell I am on a hiatus and soothing my own guilt? ;)) It was so good to read that you have had those precious moments of being grateful to be alive. You captured the power and ambivalence so well. Part of our healing and maturing is learning to bear those conflicting emotions at the same time. I hope you continue to heal and find hope. xx AG

  2. It’s so good to hear from you – and so encouraging to hear a hopeful report. You are doing the work you must do to find your true self. Look at you – just look! Thank you for posting – wishing you so much more than luck.

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