A revelation

I found out today that my father had a sexual harassment suit against him a couple years ago.

I keep thinking that if I’d taken action against him, that would never have happened. And I’m being hit, more and more, with the realization that maybe what I seem to remember did really happen. Because, apparently, I still don’t trust my memories.

And I also keep thinking that now, if I do take legal action, maybe I wouldn’t be blown off. He has quite a history with the law – embezzling, tax evasion, now sexual harassment – although, somehow, he’s managed to avoid major jail time. The most time he’s spent in jail is a week for embezzling many years ago.

My mother was the one who shared with me that he had a sexual harassment suit against him, and she said that what the woman said about him was “outrageous” but that she believes every word of it. But I still adamantly know that she would not believe me if I told her about him, because she always insists that he used to truly love me. No wonder my idea of love is totally convoluted.

He is truly a psychopath. He’s copied me on emails recently that he has exchanged with my mother regarding their divorce. He sent me a copy of the divorce papers he was served with last week and copied me on another a couple days ago. After not having any contact with him since last year, I’m finding it hard to get these emails from him.

So, I’m feeling very triggered right now. I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but I don’t, not really. I see new T next week, but I’m not sure if this is something I’ll be ready to talk to her about. Last week was our first session, and I like her so far, but this is such very personal stuff to share with someone I hardly know. I feel painfully alone with this at the moment.

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5 thoughts on “A revelation

  1. My thoughts are with you right now as you are going through this confusing time. I think you are on the right path to find help and you need to focus on getting yourself situated with the divorce and overcoming your own difficulties. Right now, your mom sounds like she is pretty deep in denial and she will need to come to terms on her own time. I don’t know if this will mean anything, but I am really proud to hear that you are strong enough to realize that this is a crazy situation and are seeking someone to help. The T is there to be your confidant – don’t be nervous to let it out! Best of luck!

    1. Thank you! I went through the same period of uncertainty with my last T.. I’m trying to remember that as I continue with the new T. Thank you so much for the support. xx

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