Mistakes

It was such a long, long, long day at work. And to top it off, I made a mistake that simply had to do with when I requested time off for my vacation…I didn’t know there was a time of the year (any time after July 2nd) that I wasn’t allowed to take time off. My boss kept telling me not to worry about it, I didn’t know, it’s fine for me to take the time off, just remember for the future.

But mistakes aren’t allowed. Not for me. I can’t accept that I didn’t know, because I feel like I should have. I can’t make mistakes.

I know that it’s the past that demanded those kinds of rules, but the raw feeling of just general vulnerability and lack of safety as a result of this mistake is overwhelming. Probably more so because of all that’s going on right now. I feel like I’m creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think I’m not worthy of this job – or of life – and so I’m finding ways to make that true.

I made it through another day. But each day that passes seems like it makes it harder to get through the next. Like it’s depleting whatever fight I have left in me.

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3 thoughts on “Mistakes

  1. Self-fulfilling prophecies are vicious, aren’t they? You ARE worthy of your job, you ARE worthy of life. You make the world better just by being here. You make it even better by sharing your story with others so that we may learn and feel less alone in our own painful travels.

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